Devin: the adventures of Fabio and friends
by musicislove1126
Summary: Well, this story really shows how people who are always depressed about their lives sound. I mean its okay to be depressed once in a while but this story just shows that you sound kinda dumb, and i mean its meant to be comical not offensive.
1. Chapter 1 Fabio

(A dramatic parody of jaws music begins playing in the background and there's a long haired shark in the ocean, stealthily watching water rafters in front of him.) Hi there! I'm Fabio! I'm a shark. (The music continues to play as Fabio narrates his outing) There are these ugly ass pasty mofo's in the water in front of me. I know they'll taste like cold tomato soup, but they're just _really pissing me off, and they will pay for their fucking annoying presence, muah hahahaha. (he gets distracted by his evil laughter) Oh, right, well I guess I could use the snack anyways, this new diet is giving me unbearable stress, God I cry myself to sleep every night (he starts thinking aloud, not realizing he's talking while he thinks) oh shit!...pretend you never heard that. (The dramatic music begins again and he prepares his attack.) Here I go, here I go!!! (The music starts to get louder and faster extremely quickly and he jumps, bearing his teeth.) HA-HAAAAAA! (he bites the tube fiercely, like he was an America's Next Top Model) Oh fuck, I missed. God dammit, why do I fuck up everything I try to do?! UGH. Of course Enzo-shark is perfect, he always had the better hair and got all the lady sharks! (He tries to hold it back, but he quickly explodes into uncontrollable sobs) I swear I'm not crying I got water in my eyes. God I will prove myself to the dead sexy bitch Laquisha. RAAAAAGH. (he angrily swims to the other tube and bites a person, and then eats them.) HAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!! I am alpha-shark! I'm so invincible right now nothing will conquer me in the climax of my strength. (He violently crashes into a rock jutting out of the ground, and looks like an idiot) Oh come on! Why does god hate my oh so pitiful soul?! That person even tasted like shit. No one on the raft is even scared of me, which means its time to eat another person that the rest of them actually care about losing. Sigh, it's so difficult to inflict fear upon humans nowadays, they're all so technological and indifferent while us sharks have been living the same since the fucking stone age!! (Fabio has an emotional meltdown and starts flopping around all over the rafts of people) _


	2. Chapter 2 Woman

(The scene changes to one of the rafts, that the person was originally eaten off of) It's about fucking time Pamela got off this raft! All she does is talk about the fungus between her toes and her cat with his ass problem that only allows him to shit liquids, that's just gross. It's about time that bitch learned she was unwanted, I mean everyone was ignoring her, or trying anyways. She always pesters around like an old puss filled sore. I think the shark might've eaten her? Oh well. I mean, Oh no! (Her sarcasm is interrupted abruptly as she notices a hole in the raft, appearing to be left by a clothespin, but really left by the savage shark) Oh shit! There's a hole in my raft! I don't want to get wet, my hair will be ruined and I'll lose my bump-it! I spent a hard-earned three dollars on that! And the shark might want to have its way with me, if you know what I mean. If you don't I mean he'll try to seduce me and knock me up. Oh great, everyone's getting off my goddamn raft so I'm alone to sink and die from shark attacks, fuck shit! I grab the nearest knife, which happens to be a plastic butter knife and just before I violently stab into my heart I look over to the raft of betraying assfuckers and see the shark flopping through the water atop their raft, crushing all of them in a spazztic breakdown. I feel sympathetic only for the shark, but those cunts deserved what they got for abandoning me! The shark swims over slowly and I jump on top of him and rape the fucking shit out of his squirt hole. HAHA! Now I will capture him and keep him to be my sex slave! Also, I will show him off for money to buy a new bump-it to and some dollar store bright orange hair dye. I'll have so many people watch him perform, like Jack Black does in that huge ape movie. Yum, Jack Black is such a sexy motherfucker, I would love to lick his dinky forever, I want his wiener up my asshole, oh yeah that would be so hot. (she loudly orgasms and begins to finger herself until she cums all over) Oh, Oh shit, there's still people around. Oh my, this is horribly embarrassing.


	3. Chapter 3 Narrator

The woman takes Fabio back to her house and fills up her little Jacuzzi and shoves him in there, and the water she had put in the tub ended up all over her nice tile floors, so she began getting angry because the floor was going to be ruined. She starts cussing under her breath at Fabio, but he heard all the things she said which made Fabio insecure and angry, and when he gets emotional he breaks down, so he started to flail around long enough that he falls out of the Jacuzzi. The woman is overcome by frustration and runs to the kitchen to get some whiskey, by the time she comes back she is already almost drunk . She somehow manages to get him into the tub after many attempts at picking him up and she began watching him angrily. He turned bright red and then broke down and started admitting many embarrassing things about himself and his past. He started talking about how as a baby shark his step-daddy shark would come into his anemone and touch him in inappropriate ways and stroke his hair and tell him what a sex monster he was. He cried as he admitted how as a teen shark he was really a female dolphin who cross-dressed as a male shark, and he never fit in so he would cut his fins and he straightened his long black hair to hide his eyes and he wore eyeliner, but always got angry because it wasn't waterproof so it would never stay on. Then he had one of those rebel teen phases where he robbed waterproof eyeliner from convenience stores, and he talked back to his new step-dad shark, who always called him a tranny, and he would throw things at his mother when she wouldn't listen to him, which was all the time. He became an intense pyromaniac, setting everything he could on fire, sending his mother to the hospital several time with third degree burns. Finally, he threatened to rape a plastic surgeon if he wouldn't give him a sex change, and the plastic surgeon was terrified because she looked like one of those psycho drunk trashy prostitutes that you see beating people up on Jerry Springer, so the surgeon changed him free of charge, which explained why he still had the squirt hole. And, lastly as an adult shark he would find teens who thought their lives are horrible because people called them ugly at school and he showed them real pain by violently raping them and leaving them naked and bound in the middle of a field of hay to be found by a creepy farmer and his fat wife and live with them and there nineteen Mormon children in some barn and have everyone you know think you died, and then realize that no one cares about you enough to find you. The woman told Fabio that he was a cruel asshole who should never be allowed to swim the oceans again, and God willing she would never let him. She then re-filled the tub, which Fabio's fatness had overflowed and just left him in the bathroom to think about everything he had just said. He decided his life was no longer worth living because he knew he would be single forever, and Laquisha always made fun of him. So with that he secretly slid out of the tub and died, flopping around gasping for air, screaming about how he regretted getting out of the tub.


End file.
